Man Cannot Outrun the Rain

Man cannot outrun the rain

Despite the desire to flee

And ever postpone the pain

If for a moment I can think of me

Man cannot outrun the rain

Despite the desire to hide

And ever postpone the pain

To wait about a changing tide

When clouds churn in near view

And bring within your soul fear

What becomes of the proud few

Who choose this day not to veer?

Forgoing the worry of what will

And welcome instead her furry

Choosing their fate to fulfill

Hard written lines of life's story

Man cannot outrun the rain

But in time her tempest past

Leaving behind a tested chain

Each link a legacy to last

Nicholas Campos - 2013

There is one word that has followed just about every loss or personal tragedy that a person has faced.  The word is why, and it is often followed by me or now.  It is spoken as a plea to the invisible hand that shifts the forces of nature against us.  The breeze that comes up out of nowhere and sends the plates we balance crashing to the floor, leaving us to clean up the mess and figure out a way to start anew.  Why me, why now, why today, why him, why her, why do bad things happen to good people?

Dear Universe, My families plan is important and you ruined it!  Our plan was good and wholesome, it hurt no one and would bring joy to our lives and others.  It was our wish for another child and now it looks like that will not be a simple task.  Perhaps there is a lesson, perhaps there is something I must do, perhaps it is just bad luck.  But regardless of what comes next or what preceded this, this moment sucks.  The prognosis that marks the end of a chapter, one seemingly poorly written at the moment.

It is hard to believe that it all started with a prayer.  Over six years ago, we were newly married and just starting out when an impression came upon me.  It was clear as day to me that it was time for Erin and I to start a family.  The timing was poor, we had plans to travel and save.  But the words that came were that if we choose now, we would be blessed.  Nearly nine months later our little Owen was born.  His names origin has a meaning of Young Warrior, but if I was to place a meaning on this baby it would be Young Healer.  Because that is exactly what he did.  Relationships that were once tumultuous became calm by the gentle touch of his fingers.  It was with just one look in his eyes, that this man learned what it means to be a real man.  A boy that brought out qualities that Erin did not even know that she had inside her, a kiss that calms his sadness and a connection tightly woven long before his first tender breath.

How quickly he grew, from infant to toddler.  The world was his and we were scared, barriers were built and cabinets secured.  He was once again our healer when a job loss came upon our family.  I remember my great sadness each day when Erin headed out for work to support us as I stayed home working on my fledgling business.  Feeling my lowest, it was obviously the perfect time to learn that I had cancer.  What a day that was!  Erin and I crying, we walked in and looked at our little little boy sleeping soundly in his crib.  As we held each other softly, I remember thinking how lucky I am just to know him in this life.

Each day, I would push that stroller for a walk and Owen would remind me that growing takes time.  He would fall in his attempts to walk and remind me that falling is the precursor to walking, walking to running.  Slowly, I too, began to emulate him.  In his world anything was possible, mine would be too.  In his eyes, I was strong and unbreakable, in my eyes I would be too.  In his heart was a pure happiness and optimism, my life would echo this truth as well. 

Momentum followed, Owen grew, walking became easier and more comfortable.  My business and I, began to grow along with him.  The process of healing was working in my body and in our lives.  Erin and I made the time to read together in an effort to get lost in mini vacations with the likes of Og Mandino, Paulo Coehlo and Mitch Albom.  A story has never felt so real to me then the ones we read during those nights.  But when each new day began, we awoke early, we set goals and took care of each other.  This was our life, full of challenge, full of change, full of uncertainty, yet, full of growth, full of joy and full of possibility.  Perhaps our life at this stage can be best portrayed in the words of the poem by Robert Browning Hamilton.
      

I walked a mile with pleasure

She chattered all the way

But left me no wiser

For all she had to say

I walked a mile with sorrow

And ne'er a word said she

But oh, the things I learned

When sorrow walked with me

Blessed were we to walk with the darkness of sorrow, by the light of one of earths smallest captains.  His big brown eyes showed me the way, the true way to healing.  It is a gift that I did not expect, from a giver with seemingly nothing to give.

So as to the question of why me? why now? why our plans?  The answer is simple, I do not know.  But I do know that if I will but exercise a degree of faith, that in time; I will know.  These experiences, like the ones that preceded them, will become as much a part of me as I was of them. So today we trust, today we seek, today we move ever forward.  To a dream yet known, on a journey still in the making to gifts yet opened.  With a love dutifully sewn, in the spirit of trust to the grand author of this marvelous work.