How I find Thee

I seek You when I need You,
Like a child who’s lost—
Moments before adventure,
Now consumed by fear.

What changed, I wonder,
Between then and now?
I crave Your peace,
Like a mother’s embrace.

But is it she who wandered,
As I demand her grace?
To hold me close, to shield me—
To close off the world.

I scream, I shout, I pray—
Broken, ready to quit.
And You come in the stillness,
Whispering: breathe.

Be still. Find truth.
Take one step in faith.

Holding pierced hands again,
I follow where You lead.

I’ve been here before—
Each time, drawn away
Life's alternate paths,
Salacious amusements,
Shade-tree prophets.

They fight fear with crowds,
Filling buckets with no bottom.
The thrill pulls tight on my grip.
Still, You let me wander—
To learn. To ache.
To understand:

Happy is not the same as happiness.

Life's happy moments fleeting,
Without source of peace.
And soon, the darkness casts its net,
Swallowing the wanderers,
Snaring us with ease,
Far from Your reach.

Until, again—
Agony flows freely.
In the throes of self-doubt.
And once more, I ask:
Let this cup pass from me.

Nicholas Campos May 1st, 2025